Go ahead…laugh. Ghostwatch was BBC’s hoax documentary for Halloween in 1992. I wasn’t quite a nipper but a lifetime of religious upbringing and “you mustn’t watch horror movies, for they are evil, now let us say grace,” made me one scaredy cat.

Hence, discreetly switching channels to experience the forbidden fruit, I was prompty terrified by what I saw. Legend tells us – and it’s confirmed by the inlay notes in the DVD – that some poor schmuck committed suicide a few days after the broadcast.

When it was released to DVD ten years afterwards, I had to take a look to see if I was damaged. And this moment, where plucky presenter Sarah Greene ventures into the understairs cupboard to look for one of the missing girls, gave me the uber-willies…

So you might not understand what you’re seeing, but the door slowly creaks open when the camera and sound guys go looking for her and reveals a glimpse of this freaky man’s face, who may or may not be the ghost – unaffectionately known as Pipes by the tormented family – eerily staring back at them.

The effect is lost over time to some degree; Michael Parkinson’s unintentionally hilarious possession and the rubbish acting of the bubble-haired psychologist lady but back then…woah, frightening stuff!

Back when M. Night Shyamalamalan was churning out effective scary flicks, I went to see Signs in a super-crowded cinema and the jump shocks worked a treat. One girl screamed so loud during a fake scare that she apologised to everyone around her. Oh, how we laughed. Mel Gibson though…meh…I’m fairly indifferent to the man but I’d have to say this is my favourite film he’s been involved with. The girl with her water needs was better though. Oh, and why does he go back to being a Priest at the end? Surely having come face to fucking face with a spaceman totally contradicts the Bible!? Grow the mullet back, Mel, your brain needs insulating.

The best ice-down-the-spine bit is this though, those creepy long fingers that snake under the door. Ugh… I shudder thinking about it.

OK, so it doesn’t look scary here. But it so is on a gigantic cinema screen – the fingers…they’re coming for you! Argh. Run. Run now!

It’s scary to think that this film and all of its hype is now 11 years old… I rarely watch it, it’d lose its effect that way. But this one time I came home from clubbing at 4am and decided to watch it…ferrr-eaky!! ‘Tis this climactic moment that does it.

Those who’ve never seen it probably can’t understand why it’s so scary – but it is. My horror-bud Grace and I looked at one another with expressions of fear when we saw it on the big screen.

Fact: clowns are scary.

OK, so not the one in The Clown at Midnight, but Stephen King’s IT was one creepy-ass book adaptified into a pretty eerie TV series (which was terrifying when I was 13 but less so when I watched it a couple of years ago). Joker-grinned Tim Curry, perfect for the role, still wigs me out to this day…

This is from the film’s prologue, where the fucking creepiness of said clown is joined with childhood fears of kidnap and disappearance into the supernatural realm of DEATH!!!! Shame the rest of the film couldn’t maintain the same level of unsettling material.

The first slasher film I ever saw was A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 when I was about 11. Brown pants and bad dreams. I flat out refused to watch any other Freddy films until I was 19. Oddly, it was my second viewing of the original Elm Street that creeped the hell outta me.

There’s mucho scariness in the film; the nightmare scenery is classic stuff but I personally find this moment – lasting just a matter of seconds in the run up to Tina’s uber-frightening encounter with Freddy Krueger – to be ingeniously terrifying. ‘Tis the stretchy horror wall…

He’s like…coming through the wall for Nancy!! It’s so horrible! I want to cry.

When I first saw Halloween at a tender young age of about 12, it was this particular shot that simultaneously wigged me out and aroused my senses (not in that way – filth!) to the pleasures of fear.

The lovely Laurie and pals are trundling home from school when that creepy guy she’s been seeing all over the show turns up yet again, just staring…

The simplicity of the effect is what makes it so damn scary. After all, it’s just a guy in the middle distance. No machete dripping in blood, no psychotic gestures. Carpenter mastered the art of the unsettling here without any tricks, just pure, undiluted paranoia. Ace moment.

Spielberg has softened over time. His early ventures into horror/thrillers showcased his skills of hyper-tension building, see the many scenes of Jaws for an example, I mean, offing that little lilo-kid 20 minutes in!? You didn’t get that in Jurassic Park!

So our second foray into the works of The Beard takes us even further back in time to his 1971 debut feature, Duel, the original road-rage horror film, which sees Dennis Weaver’s sappy salesman tormented by a fucking terrifying old tanker that’s hellbent on running him off the road, all because he overtook ‘em!

I vividly remember this particular moment being shown on TV as a teaser for a wee hours showing: Weaver, thinking the nightmare is over, stops to help a stranded schoolbus. He gets jammed, steps out, looks onward and the truck is there, waiting… The lights flick on as if to say “I see you too…” Scary then, scary now.

Argh! Just turn around and go home!!! You’re already late!