Category Archives: Dire-logue’s Greatest Hits

Dire-logue’s Greatest Hits Volume 2: Jinxing It

More of those priceless facepalm moments that litter the realm of the slasher pic. This month we celebrate the people who dared say things like, “nothing is going to happen to us if we spend the night at the abandoned discotheque where ten sexy teens were killed one year ago tonight…”

A CRACK IN THE FLOOR (2000): “We made a pact to take these trips ’til we’re old and grey, or we die… Whichever comes first.”

FLASHBACK (1999): “Why do parents always think their kids’ll get killed if they vacation alone?”

THE INITIATION (1983): “[Here’s] to being young, staying young and dying young.” – wish granted

JASON GOES TO HELL (1993): “Looking to smoke some dope, have a little pre-marital sex and get slaughtered?”

LAID TO REST (2009): “I am not getting murdered tonight thanks, I’ve got a funeral to go to tomorrow.”

MANIACAL (2003): “Should we be watching all these slasher movies with my brother on the loose?”

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981): “You gotta come, just to see the dress I’m wearing. Cut down to there, split up to here – I may not get out alive.”

A NIGHT TO DISMEMBER (1983): “Mary ran to the cellar…she’d be safe there.”

PARANOID (2000): “If a serial killer was stalking me I think I’d know.”

THE PATH OF EVIL (2005): “Devil’s Lake, contrary to it’s name, is not an evil place.”

THE PROWLER (1981): “This is everybody’s last night together. Some of us’ll never see each other again.”

SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II (1987): “Maybe, just maybe, there is a psycho running around here.”

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION (1994): “What if we get into a wreck and crash the car and we all died? They could write a song about it.”

THE UNDERTOW (2003): “That’s it! Nobody’s ever seeing us again!”

WILDERNESS (2006): “So you want me to go out there alone to look for another guy who’s out there alone when nobody’s supposed to go out there alone?”

Dire-logue’s Greatest Hits Volume 1: Stating the Obvious

Someone recently asked for a list of my favourite dire-logue, those inspired insights by characters created sometimes by clever scribes but more often the consequences of hopeless screenwriting and dreadful delivery from the actors.

So, here are the first facepalm verbal tics, in this edition celebrating characters who adorned the colours of one Captain Obvious – like this guy…

ABSURD (1981): (Examining a hacked up corpse) “I’m no doctor but I don’t think it looks good.”

THE BABY DOLL MURDERS (1992): “With a serial killer there’s always a pattern: he hates his mother, he hates his father, all women are whores…something!”

BLACK CHRISTMAS (2006): “I’m really not OK with any of this… I mean, buying a Christmas present for a serial killer?”

BLOOD CULT (1985): “We do not need serial killers on this campus.”

FALLEN ANGELS (2002): “Cutting the power, cutting the phonelines – he’s planned ahead.”

THE FOREST (1982): “I don’t know about splitting up, it’s not usually a good idea.”

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (1981): “Axes, knives, saws – they can all be dangerous.”

HACK-O-LANTERN (1987): “Ever since my dad died on Halloween night, this day really seems to affect [my mom].”

NEW YEAR’S EVIL (1980): “He’s mutilated the breasts of most of his women, that’s a common characteristic of a psychopathic killer.”

SCALPS (1983): “Defiling the graves of the dead will only anger their souls.”

SPLATTER UNIVERSITY (1984): “The killer is obviously a psychopath and cannot be reasoned with.”

URBAN LEGEND (1998): “It’s like someone out there’s taking all these stories – and making them reality!”

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