Category Archives: Lists

The 100 Worst Slasher Films: #40-21

IMDb’s 100 worst continues…

See #100-81 here
And #80-61 here
And #60-41 here

40. Beyond Remedy (2008)

IMDb rating: 2.9
VeVo rating: 2.5 Stars

Six young physicians agree to participate in an experiment supposed to help rid them of their fears and phobias, which cover the usual blades, claustrophobia, and vertigo. Too bad that a scrubs-and-chainmail clad killer has crashed the party. Not a bad little Euro-shocker, but dry and contrived, with characters making terrible decisions to drive the plot where it needs to go.

39. Bloody Murder (1999)

IMDb rating: 2.9
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

bm1Bizarre Friday the 13th homage, in which teen counsellors at Camp Placid Pines are targeted by a mystery loon who may or may not be hockey-masked local legend Trevor Moorhouse. The dull heroine has to find out who it really is! About as horror as a Glee Halloween Special, with little claret, a patronising mystery element, and annoying characters. The sequel, however, was way better.

38. Dr Chopper

IMDb rating: 2.9
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

College kids go to the middle of nowhere to check out the cabin one of them has inherited, only to become the prey for a deranged, grey-skinned surgeon, who – with the help of several nurses – likes to cut up youthful people to reverse the aging of cells blah, blah, blah. As soon as the requisite girl-on-girl make-out scene arrives, you know the rest of the film may as well be flushed down the can.

37. Bunnyman

IMDb rating: 2.9
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

The production company behind this endurance test is aptly named No One Cares. Roadtrippin’ teens are tormented by an old truck during the world’s slowest car chase (see that speedometer crank up to 53mph!!), and eventually get stranded in the woods. A guy in a giant rabbit costume turns up with a chainsaw and the stupid decisions continue for the excruciating remainder of the film.

36. Drive In Massacre (1976)

IMDb rating: 2.9
VeVo rating: 0.5 Stars

driveinThis would be Top 3 on my list. I haven’t yet experienced a more painful pre-millennial film than this. Detectives investigating murders at a drive-in fail to apprehend the killer. That’s about it. Random tangents into other plots take over and the film finally fizzles out with a title card informing us the murders stopped and nobody was ever caught. Repugnantly pathetic in every way.

35. The Greenskeeper (2003)

IMDb rating: 2.8
VeVo rating: 2.5 Stars

This fun little flick shouldn’t be here either: Patrons at a snotty golf club are permanently handicapped by a lunatic mystery killer, who prowls the greens with a pair of shears and a bad attitude. Some annoying toilet-humour gets in the way, but there’s still a good time to be had.

34. Dark Harvest

IMDb rating: 2.8
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

Three couples vacationing at a rundown farm are attacked by possessed scarecrows. $0.99c store production values, girl-on-girl exploitation, and no sense of irony only make worse something that was already a pile of shit.

33. The Last Slumber Party (1987)

IMDb rating: 2.8
VeVo rating: 0.5 Stars

lsp1If you thought that the Slumber Party Massacre sequels were poor, give 71 minutes of your life away to this monstrosity, where three gal-pals find their gathering crashed by a psychotic mental patient armed with a scalpel. Bad acting notwithstanding, dead bodies magically appear in mid-air despite being killed several miles away, dreams occur within other dreams, and the main character is an obnoxious, nasty bitch, who would be first to go in any other slasher flick. Everything in this film is terrible and it should be a lot higher up this list than #34.

32. Scream (1981)

IMDb rating: 2.8
VeVo rating: 0.5 Stars

Not that Scream. This dire venture, also known as The Outing, strands a group of river rafters in a deserted town overnight, where the menfolk are slashed to ribbons by an invisible force, which is never attributed to anything or anyone. John Wayne’s son Ethan is one of a few semi-knowns probably hoping this is all but forgotten.

31. Zombie Island Massacre (1984)

IMDb rating: 2.7
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

zimDisappointed zombie film fans probably voted this Troma film down when they realised it’s a thinly disguised slasher film, in which tourists on a Caribbean island are done in by a leaf-clad killer. Not the worst thing ever, but hardly worth recommending either. Harry Manfredini provided a Friday-lite score.

30. Jack-O (1995)

IMDb rating: 2.7
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

A pumpkin-headed warlock thing is unearthed by beer-fueled teens and resumes the killing spree it began 81 years earlier. Linnea Quigley is the babysitter in charge of its prime kill. A frustratingly paced film, but some funny demises elevate it enough above bottom of the barrel scum level.

29. Mr Ice Cream Man (1991)

IMDb rating: 2.7
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

Odd 66-minute Vegas cheapie, with a homicidal ice cream man disappearing naïve kiddies on the streets. Very low budget with questionable acting at best, but a couple of unsettling moments due to said cheapness. Writer/director/star Mack Hail directed Switch Killer and was in Carnage Road. Not the best resume.

28. Hazard Jack

IMDb rating: 2.7
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

hazardjack1From one Jack to another… Assorted college paintballers use an abandoned asylum for their latest game and upset the resident PTSD-suffering hulk who murders people there. In sub-Jason form, he stalks and eliminates them, ticking off just about every awful stereotype of victim available. A lazy production.

27. Stupid Teenagers Must Die!

IMDb rating: 2.7
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

The awesome title isn’t enough to save this cheap looking parody, which at least had the sense to mock itself in a preemptive fashion. Teens gather at the home of a murderer for a seance, become possessed, and start killing each other.

26. Roadside Massacre

IMDb rating: 2.7
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

The teen staff at a rib shack appear to be lobotomized. A patron thinks one of them is her missing sister. She and her friends are chased by a fat bloke with a cleaver and killed one by one. Titled The Texas Roadside Massacre for its UK DVD release, it isn’t set anywhere near Texas and there’s no chainsaw to be seen. Trash.

25. The Bagman (2002)

IMDb rating: 2.7
VeVo rating: 0.5 Stars

More video-made scum about ex-school friends chased by a sack-headed killer who was drowned by one of them years earlier. Much of the dialogue is inaudible due to the terrible sound quality, despite the amateurs shouting most of it at one another.

24. Carnage Road (2000)

IMDb rating: 2.7
VeVo rating: 0.5 Stars

Suffixed The Legend of Quiltface, this is around 25 places too low in this list. Photography students in need of extra credit and one crap camera between them are dropped off in the desert where they are chased around by a completely unscary psycho, often stood about five feet away from them in broad daylight but still goes unseen. One person dies from an inch deep cut to the hip, while another falls over and waits several seconds for the killer to catch up so they can struggle.

23. Hollywood’s New Blood (1988)

IMDb rating: 2.6
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

HNB1989Monumentally cheap LA slasher with ‘actors’ at an ‘acting workshop’ laid to waste by a trio of ghostly brothers who burnt to death there blah-years earlier. Shot in what appears to be twenty feet of woods (probably in Griffith Park), the film makes little sense, but has an endearingly crap appeal about it.

22. The Fear: Resurrection (1999)

IMDb rating: 2.6
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

The first Fear movie dealt – again – with some psych experiment in phobias, which all went wrong, but it wasn’t really a slasher affair. The 1999 sequel brought back the creepy wooden mannequin, Morty, from that film, had him possessed and killing a new group of college kids as they visit grandma (Betsy Palmer!!). All over the place, incoherent, and overflowing with annoying characters.

21. Night of the Dribbler (1990)

IMDb rating: 2.6
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

The director of Zombie Nightmare (coming soon!) churned out this misleading comedy, in which a basketball-masked fiend torments members of a highschool team. It sat largely unreleased for almost twenty years, garnering a small cult appeal… until people saw it. With a bodycount of two and hardly any time allocated to the stalk n’ slash opus, it couldn’t be more of a waste of time if it were a blank tape.

The 100 Worst Slasher Films: #60-41

IMDb’s lowest rated slasher films of the 671 I’ve seen to date…

See #100-81 here
And #80-61 here

60. Bikini Girls On Ice (2009)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 3.5 Stars

A female soccer team on their way to a charity car wash break down at an old garage and decide to hold their event there instead. Unfortunately, it’s home to a lunatic mechanic who gleefully slices and dices his way through the newcomers. I imagine most people down-voted this one due to the title, which seems to promise a parade of topless chicks that never comes to be. Instead, BGOI operates in a sort of recaptured Friday the 13th mode, with slow misleading zooms and people meandering around on their own. It provides a real splash of colour to the cheaper end of the genre and categorically shouldn’t appear on this list.

59. Dead Above Ground (2002)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

dagSort of Melrose Place meets Scream when the anniversary of an LA high school goth’s death brings a cloaked, axe-wielding psycho to campus, who begins chopping up the staff and students. Written by the creator of The A-Team (!), this film has trouble deciding what it wants to achieve and flits all over the place, eventually allowing too many of the targeted teens to walk away unscathed.

58. Camp Blood (1999)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

We already saw the sequel a few places lower, good to know the original is somehow even worse!

Courtney Taylor, who played Mary Lou Maloney in Prom Night III, is a hiking guide who takes two city couples into the woods where a clown masked psycho is hacking at people with a machete. If Mom and Dad made a camcorder horror movie over a weekend, this is what it would look like.

57. The Catcher (1998)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 0.5 Stars

A baseball team who just lost their final game of the season are done in by a catcher-masked psycho, who may or may not be the legendary Little Johnny MacIntosh. Spoiler: It is. Considering the cast are supposed to be athletes, nobody is able to run with any speed, people put down weapons to try and reason with the killer, and one guy gets a baseball bat rammed up his ass. Ouch. Extremely low budget, extremely low appeal.

56. The Curse of El Charro (2005)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 2.5 Stars

elcharroA college girl’s bloodline is cursed and the spirit of El Charro will stop at nothing to destroy her and anyone in the way. This causes problems when she goes on a roadtrip with some friends. Nasty characters drag this one down several notches, but all is not lost, thanks to some surface gloss, and a few grisly denouements. So-so.

55. Scarecrow Gone Wild (2004)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 2.5 Stars

The plastic looking scarecrow returns in the third, and so far final film of the cheapo series. This time, a college footballer lapses into a diabetic coma after a prank and his consciousness is transferred into the scarecrow, who proceeds to kill the football team and their girlfriends during Spring Break. By no means a good film, but entertaining in its own, dollar store way, and not the last we’ve seen of this series on the list.

54. Paranoid (2000)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

paranoid3This Australian Scream wannabe features a serial murderer known as The Conscience Killer chasing down teens at another one of those Haunted House things – or is it somebody imitating him? High school journalist Sarah is keen to find out after her twin sister was murdered. There’s even a bolshy female reporter on scene… Gale, is that you?

53. The Watermen (2011)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

This waterlogged combo of Wrong Turn and Wolf Creek pits six college ‘kids’ against homicidal fishermen, who initially rescue them after their boat runs out of gas, only to drug them with the intention of turning them into crab bait. Replete with annoying clichés: The girls are all incapable morons who need to be repeatedly rescued, while the killers are slicker-wearing Creole-types, all long hair and beards. One person is at death’s door one minute and able to run around flinging barrels like Donkey Kong the next!

52. Blood Sisters (1985)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

More sorority girls are initiated by being sent to a creepy old house for the night. In this case, the house was once a brothel where a double murder took place. Seems that the killer has not left and disguised as the ‘ghost’ of a prostitute, strangles, shoots, and stabs the girls to death. One of the few slasher films directed by a woman, Blood Sisters has some 80s charm to it and isn’t as badly pieced together as it could’ve been, but is the slow kid in class compared to others of its ilk.

51. Detention (2010)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

det2aThirty-whatever years after a kid was burned to death in the school furnace, detained students accidentally release his spirit, which possesses somebody and begins killing them one by one. Cheap in the extreme, with every Stock Background Character accounted for, and the person with the British accent naturally turns out to be evil.

50. Seed (2007)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

Uwe Boll apparently wanted to make a horror film that was “no fun”. Well, he achieved that. Max Seed is a serial killer who has claimed 666 victims and even the electric chair fails to stop him, allowing him to kill anew. Beginning with ‘real’ footage of a pelt farm, this film features domestic pets and even a baby being starved to death on time-lapse footage, is apparently set in 1979 although nothing suggests it until the film is half over, and features a bunch of characters whose names and roles are a complete blur.

49. Hollow Gate (1988)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

Two teen couples on their way to a rave drop of a selection of Halloween costumes at a house in exchange for free wigs. Really. Said house is home to a raving maniac who dons his new costumes one at a time to murder the newcomers. One girl is run over by a combine harvester that she had over a minute to move out of the way of, but instead chose to stand there screaming. Another guy is mauled by rabid Golden Retrievers. An am-dram nightmare.

48. Splatter University (1984)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

su3aA new teacher at a college is embroiled in a series of murders across the campus. One of those films where no matter how repugnant the dickhead frat boys are, they’re spared the blade in favour of their doomed girlfriends. Infamous for killing its final girl before the end. Troma produced it, so it should surprise nobody that it makes the list.

47. Devon’s Ghost: Legend of the Bloody Boy (2005)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

Go go Power Rangers! Two of the ex-cast members of that show wrote, directed, and star in this really weird slasher film. A decade on after a local kid disappeared, his now-teen friends are witness to a series of slayings around town, where couples are done in by a ghostly boy wielding a baseball bat. Good thing they can use the martial arts abilities they didn’t mention until necessary to defeat him! Character names include Freedom, Genesis, and Symphony. No Rita Repulsa though.

46. Do You Wanna Know a Secret (2001)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

More Spring Breakin’ college kids are stalked and slashed by a masked loon who leaves the titular question with each body. Seems nobody wants to know though as, despite the bodies of their friends piling up, they continue to party anyway. The terminally boring heroine and fucking Joey Lawrence have to figure it out before they’re next! Yawn.

45. Final Examination (2003)

IMDb rating: 3.0
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

Sorority sisters are a reunion in Hawaii are stalked by a loon who’s crap at killing them, succeeding in doing away with only two. There’s no exam to speak of, unless you count the way the camera examines a topless chicks as they shower. It’s like a really slow, boring episode of Hawaii-Five-0, hardly a horror movie at all, with three different killers identified by the end in a last second attempt to make it exciting. This exam is one big fail.

44. Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove (2005)

IMDb rating: 2.9
VeVo rating: 3 Stars

jollyrogerdecapThe lovechild of Freddy Krueger and Captain Jack Sparrow yo-ho-ho’s his way through this cheap and cheerful slasher, offing various schmucks with his sword and a pirate-themed pun while he searches for ale or/and treasure. I can’t remember. But it was stupid fun.

43. Snapped (2005)

IMDb rating: 2.0
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

A struggling photographer is hired by a mysterious client to provide photos of dead bodies. She descends further into madness, killing anyone and everyone who appears on screen, all of whom adhere to that sad post-millennial quality of being unlikeable assholes anyway.

42. The Retreat (2005)

IMDb rating: 2.9
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

To celebrate the end of term, psyche students journey up to their professor’s middle-of-the-woods cabin where they are murdered by a Parka wearing maniac. Then another group come the next day and it happens all over again. Then it’s all just a dream or an experiment or something. Either way, you’ll be yelling “fuck off!” at the screen.

41. Memorial Day (1999)

IMDb rating: 2.9
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

Where have we heard a story like this before? A boy drowns in a lake and years later his sister and friends return there for a weekend, where they are stalked and killed by a hockey-masked psycho? Some notoriety for being one of the first digital features notwithstanding, this cheapo film is more offensive for being boring than anything else.

The 100 Worst Slasher Films: #80-61

IMDb.com’s lowliest rated slasher films – blame the general voting public, not me!

Check out #100-81 here.

80. The Masque of the Red Death (1989)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 3 Stars

Frank Stallone, Herbert Lom, and Brenda Vaccaro all crop up in this 43rd take on Poe’s tale. A young tabloid journalist cons her way into a masquerade ball at an eccentric’s Bavarian castle, where a cloaked and masked fiend begins offing the guests in a series of inventive ways. It’s the alleged ‘travesty’ to Poe that is to thank for the low rating, but it’s not a bad time killer by any degree.

79. BreadCrumbs (2011)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 2.5 Stars

bc3aA film crew making a porno rock up at a house in the woods where a couple of odd teenagers keep appearing, seemingly trapped in a world of childhood fantasy. Aging star Angie (Marianne Hagan from Halloween 6) is kind to them, which ultimately helps out when people start dying. Likeable characters help this one out in the first instance, but it begin to go downhill at the halfway point.

78. Adam & Evil (2005)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

Graduating high school friends take a camping trip and begin falling victim to a masked killer. There’s a guy called Adam, who’s the hero, so will the killer be Eve, Yvette, or Yvonne? Every trope of the genre gets a tick in the box. In the UK, the film was retitled Halloween Camp 2: Scream If You Wanna Die Faster. The ‘first’ Halloween Camp was actually Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp. Way to confuse us, DVD people.

77. Kill Keith (2011)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

kk3

A very British ‘comedy’ concerning early morning TV, as potential successor’s to the departure of a presenter are done away with. The Keith of the title is British institution Keith Chegwin. The artwork parodied Kill Bill, and is about the only inventive aspect to the whole affair.

76. The Choke (2005)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

Psycho killers vs rock bands was a popular motif in the 80s and early 90s, but it wasn’t gone – only resting. Punk rock band The Choke are on the brink of a split, due to the pretty boy lead singer and guitarist going off in search of their own deal. One final gig sees them locked in Club 905 and stalked by a vengeful killer. Passably put together but excruciatingly paced and understated.

75. The Graveyard (2006)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

A sort-of sequel to the Bloody Murder films: Yet another misjudged prank results in a death. Six years later, the others involved in it are summoned to a reunion at a closed summer camp, where a mystery killer hunts them down. Notable only for starring the guy who played Puck in Glee.

74. The Pumpkin Karver (2006)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

pumpkin-karverNew-to-town siblings become embroiled in a killing spree at a Halloween party in the middle of nowhere, courtesy of a maniac who likes to carve his victims’ faces into Jack-O-Lanterns. The first hour is a very, very slow build towards a ride that houses about as many surprises as a broken jack in the box.

73. Knock Knock (2006)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

“Answering the door will never be the same again,” promises the tagline for this retarded New York film, where the killer offs teens in accordance with their father’s occupation because of a prank from X years earlier… Clichéd ex-cop plotting and casual sexism only makes it more annoying.

72. Goodnight, God Bless (1987)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

Another nail in the coffin of British horror, this begins quite daringly with a priest gunning down small children in a playground. The only surviving witness of this massacre is, along with her mother, stalked by the maniac. Some supernatural rubbish is added on, as well as a cop-falls-for-the-mother subplot. Director John Eyres would go on to helm Ripper: Letter From Hell to much improved results. One good piece of dire-logue: “When they put teeth in your mouth they ruined a perfectly good asshole.”

71. Camp Blood 2 (2000)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

campblood2If it was unbelievable enough that there was a Camp Blood 1, this also-shot-on-cam sequel is merely a continuation of the same dreadful quality: The sole survivor of the first massacre is invited to consult as an advisor on a film being made about the original murders. To the surprise of nobody on the planet, another clown masked psycho pops up and does the usual.

70. Drive In (2000)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 2.5 Stars

Billy Morrow is your garden variety hulking remedial, who’s never left his house thanks to his overbearing mother. His one connection to the outside world is watching the low-end horror movies that play at the drive in across the street. Eventually he gets out and begins killing various patrons, including burning one person’s face in hot nacho cheese at the concession stand. Cheap but cheerful, this innocuous film isn’t half as bad as others on this roster.

69. Hatchetman (2003)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

“Mommy taking her clothes off isn’t as bad as hurting people,” says the final girl to the axe-toting murderer of girls from a pole dancing joint. He’s been chopping off their hands while the cop who happens to be dating the Courteney Cox-a-like heroine try to figure out who it is. A diluted take on the myriad of stripper-killer films that were big in the 80s, but not the worst thing ever.

68. Switch Killer (2005)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

Girl flees her abusive ex and moves to Las Vegas, where she gets a job as a topless dancer and falls in love with another woman. Six months later, boyfriend arrives having had a sex change and stabs all manner of people to get to her. Sixteen of the 84 minute runtime is taken up by the end credits, which tells us just how much thought went into it. The director’s other slasher resume highlights, Mr Ice Cream Man and Carnage Road will feature further up the list.

67. A Night to Dismember (1983)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

nighttodismemberIt’s not really anyone’s fault that A Night to Dismember blows harder than a Pittsburgh hooker, a studio fire destroyed so much of the original footage, that director Doris Wishman spent years re-shooting and re-cutting it. All audio had to be re-dubbed, leaving the end product a kind of headache on screen, with a narrator struggling to make sense of it all.

66. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger are the superstars-to-be looking embarrassed by participating in this totally shitty fourth incarnation of the Sawyer family, with a crossdressing Leatherface. I remember so little about it there’s nothing else to write.

65. Horror 102: Endgame

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

Horror102College students who volunteered for a psychology experiment are locked inside a disused asylum where they are stalked and slain by a hooded killer. Half-a-star better than its predecessor, the non-slasher film Horror 101, both films are rated PG-13, enough to tell you there’s no point investing your time or energy.

64. Scared (2001)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

This sorry Scream knock-off has a masked killer offing the dopey cast and crew of a slasher film (which they call ‘the next Scream‘). Every scenario presented is fresh off the millennial slasher shelf, with nothing original to offer for itself.

63. Terror At Tenkiller (1987)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

Two gal-pals go on vacation to a house alongside Lake Tenkiller, to escape an annoying ex-boyfriend. They take jobs as waitresses at the local diner, where the other servers have a habit of walking out and never coming back. There’s absolutely no attempt to disguise the killer’s identity, but with only eight characters in the whole thing, it probably wasn’t worth trying to fool anyone.

62. Motor Home Massacre (2005)

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

Some amusing one-liners aren’t enough to save this vacation-from-hell DVD feature. Seven teens rent a clunky old Winnebago and venture off to the cursed Black Creek Park, scene of a series of murders that, of course, extends to them as soon as they arrive. It takes about an hour for anything to happen. Not the stuff of a legendary road trip.

61. Deranged

IMDb rating: 3.1
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

derangedA group of British women are invited to the bachelorette party of their eccentric Brazilian friend at her villa in Spain. Once there, the hostess apparently dies from a seizure and then somebody begins murdering the others. From the ‘mystery killer’s’ identity being on the fucking DVD cover to characters deciding to go off for sex during the carnage, this is truly deserving of its place here.

The 100 Worst Slasher Films: #100-81

Following the almighty undertaking that was The 100 Greatest Slasher Films, a few people asked if there would be a list of the 100 Worst films.

I was reluctant to do this for a couple of reasons. Mainly, no matter how awful any film, somebody somewhere has put their all into it, and seeing it declared the worst thing ever wouldn’t be nice for them to read. That said, if I’ve already reviewed it and given in one star, what’s the difference, right?

Also, deciding if Drive-In Massacre is worse than Ax ‘Em is no easy task either. One film can be well made but exponentially boring, whereas the cheapest Nokia-filmed crap can at least be fun to revel in.

So, I decided to go about it differently, and take all the films I’ve seen, cross-reference them with their IMDb ratings and present the 100 Worst films according to the great unwashed.

As we will see, some things in life are unfair, while others are just destined… Hold on.

100. Fatal Pulse (1988)

IMDb rating: 3.4 out of 10
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

Sorority bimbos are being stalked by a shadowy psycho, who has the ability to cut throats with vinyl records! Bra’s are commonly slashed open first, of course. And nobody thinks to move out of the fucking house when the girl in the next room was murdered the previous night! Pure shite.

99. Blood Cult (1985)

IMDb rating: 3.4
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

BloodCult1Sorority bimbos are being stalked by a shadowy psycho – are we seeing a theme already!? Blood Cult is one of several films that claimed to be the first made-for-video-on-purpose. Like, who cares? It’s still total crap no matter the intentions. If you’d made a decent film, boast away… Severed fingers in a salad bowl is the ‘high’ point.

98. Small Town Folk (2007)

IMDb rating: 3.4
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

1.5 actually seems generous from my memory of this wretched British production. A 3-minute cameo by Leprechaun Warwick Davis cannot rescue the other 84 minutes, which is comprised of some of the most nauseating “FX” work I’ve ever seen.

97. Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (2012)

IMDb rating: 3.4
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

ag1aWayward teens on one of those back-to-nature punishment weekends meander into the territory of an axe-toting giant who, uh, axes them. A SyFy-esque production, death by horrendous CGI effects is to blame. But the film does start off okay, with a few laughs to be had before the killing even begins.

96. Study Hell (2004)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

A strange Canadian slasher take on The Breakfast Club, with five archetypes on Saturday detention tormented by their PTSD-suffering teacher, who decides to kill them all. Cheap production qualities from the same home as Dark Fields, which we will see a little later.

95. StagKnight (2007)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 3 Stars

stagknight2The first one to mourn the inclusion of, StagKnight pits a group of bachelor party guys against a resurrected Templar Knight during paintball in the British countryside. Anglo-humour probably sinks this for international audiences. With a bigger budget this could have been on par with Shaun of the Dead. Boo you, IMDb voters!

94. Slaughtered (2009)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

From Britain we go down under to Australia for #94, where a pub lock-in locks in a group of patrons with a psycho killer. With a budget likely no more than a round of beers and a script scribbled on the back of a beer mat, Slaughtered has very little to entice, but could be okay if you made a drinking game out of it…

93. Scar (2005)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

A film so boring I can remember nothing about it beyond Dee Wallace Stone being in it. Notes tell me it’s about the ghost of a rape victim who appears and axes horny woodsmen, while two teens look for clues about the death of their friend a year earlier. I’m also reminded of how bored I was at the time i might just fall asleep at the keybocsrsthajlgvma

92. The Prey (1980)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

prey1Our first loss from the golden era, this basic campers-in-peril flick has the guy who played Lurch in The Addams Family offing the usual bunch of over-aged teens during a hike into the woods. I didn’t find it so bad, but then I never watched it again either…

91. The Jackhammer Massacre (2003)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

Bloke does drugs, bloke goes mad, bloke attacks various people with a jackhammer. Bloke is conveniently named Jack.

90. Heebie Jeebies (2004)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

Not to be confused with Jeepers Creepers, this is actually an anthology with a slasher opus built around it to join up each story. A girl who can dream the future has bad premonitions about her highschool friends so does the only logical thing – invites them to a shoddy old house in the middle of nowhere. Groan.

89. Hayride (2012)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

HAY1An average effort about an Alabama Halloween Haunted Hayride attraction crashed by an escaped lunatic who stabs his way through the actors on the big night. Low-end production values aren’t great, but there’s far worse around that this doesn’t really deserve to be in the 100 Worst.

88. Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain (2003)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 3 Stars

Another one not deserving of its place here, in spite of production problems throughout its shoot, the first half of Samhain carries pleasant echoes of Friday the 13th-era shenanigans, but begins to fall to pieces once the meat of the story, concerning Descent-like creatures eating tourists in Ireland, is underway. It’s also decked out with big name porno actors.

87. Dark Walker (2003)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

Another Halloween attraction becomes a slaughterhouse when it’s built atop a patch of cursed ground. Like many other bad decisions, the teens employed to work at the place refuse to leave after several murders, citing that they need the cash, evidently more than they need their own head.

86. Cut (2010)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

cut1aAs the likes of Blood Cult pride themselves on being the first made-for-video film, Cut is proud to be the first film shot entirely in one continuous take. Trivia informs us it took 36 takes to get it right, which, when you think about it would be super annoying if someone screwed up at the last second… Anyway, people in a house are tormented by clown-faced loons and Gremlins‘ Zach Galligan is in it.

85. A Crack in the Floor (2001)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 2 Stars

Three teen couples go camping in the wrong part of the woods and disturb a Jason-like hermit who lives beneath the floor of a cabin. Playing like a tribute to Friday the 13th Part III in particular, it’s innocuous stuff with that muscle guy from Saved By the Bell and Gary Busey as a deranged- Gary Busey playing himself.

84. The Cheerleader Massacre (2003)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 2.5 Stars

Posing at Slumber Party Massacre IV and directed by Jim Wynorski, this features genre-fixture Brinke Stevens as the grown-up victim from the 1982 film, apparently not dead after all, and a group of cheerleaders who take shelter from a snowstorm at a cabin… By now I’m sure y’all can guess the rest.

83. Blood Reaper (2004)

IMDb rating: 3.3
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

It’s Brinke again! Though even she looks bored in this seen-it-all-before tale of campers going where they shouldn’t. 80 minutes of people meandering slowly through trees and little else. Points almost awarded for electing the plus-size girl as the final girl, but then they go and ruin that too.

82. Silent Bloodnight (2006)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 1.5 Stars

silent3aIn bad-movie terms, Silent Bloodnight is a goldmine of laughter. An Austrian film where the actors (attempt to) speak English opens things up to some hilarious dialogue: “Something unexplained has happened!” wails the frightened heroine at one point. The laidback European approach means there’s full frontal nudity for BOTH genders.

81. Shadows Run Black (1981)

IMDb rating: 3.2
VeVo rating: 1 Stars

Kevin Costner’s secret shame. He only has a small red herring role in this piss poor Halloween wannabe that features a ski-masked killer doing in naked chicks who’ve dared to dabble in drugs. Misogynistic garbage. Costner’s name is suspiciously absent from the credits, which appear to be real-time typed as the credits roll.

10 Final Boys We Like

Final Boys are never going to be as awesome as Final Girls, hence we don’t love them like we love Final Girls. But these guys did quite well with the job at hand…

devon-sawa-fd1Alex Browning (Devon Sawa)
Final Destination (2000)

High school inbetweener Alex is thrust into the shoes of Final Boy-dom when he has an out-of-the-blue premonition the flight he and his French Club will explode minutes after takeoff. Saving himself and six others doesn’t make him the hero, but instead, as he puts it “everyone in my school thinks I’m a freak.”

Perhaps not being a straight-up slasher film is what allows three of the five Final Destination films to work with a male lead. Sawa’s Average Joe is appealing because of the way he teeters between both social groups and his own sanity.

Death-valley-1982-movie-1Billy (Peter Billingsley)
Death Valley (1982)

Just as Danielle Harris would become the pre-teen final girl in the later Halloween sequels, little Milky Bar kid Peter Billingsley was the unlikely hero of strange way-out-west slasher flick Death Valley, when a family vacation is foiled by him literally meandering into a murder scene, finding a trinket the killer wants, and finding himself stalked by said loon in pursuit of it.

Billingsley was already an accomplished child actor by the time he was in this (and also older than he looked) and so isn’t cursed by overacting and, even better, lacks the brattiness usually on show when kids are front and center.

elm4-300xJesse Walsh (Mark Patton)
A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

Jesse’s family move into 1428 Elm Street five years after Nancy Thompson lived there and he soon finds his dreams invaded by Freddy, who wants to possess him and turn him into an agent of death.

Freddy’s Revenge could well be the most analysed slasher film of the 80s, and Jesse is commonly seen as a repressed gay, whose body Freddy wants, and only a kiss from a girl can save him etc… If you watch the awesome documentary Never Sleep Again, Mark Patton is a little embarrassed by his performance but, if nothing else, at least they tried something new rather than just retread the original film, and he’s an important part of that, thus fully deserving his place here.

burning-alfredAlfred (Brian Backer)
The Burning (1981)

Included more out of relevance than respect, Alfred was possibly the first final boy in a big screen slasher. At Camp Stonewater, he’s the nerdy misfit, who spies on girls while they shower, plays weird pranks, and whines a lot. He’s also the only one to suspect someone is prowling around the peripheries of the camp. Naturally, nobody believes him until he finds a couple of dead bodies and proves it.

The Burning is already quite a misogynistic outing before shoving aside the notion of a final girl and putting Alfred into the role instead. He’s essentially saved by the hunky male counsellor, as would a girl in the same situation it seems, meaning his gender is far more incidental as he adds nothing that a girl wouldn’t. None of this is the fault of Backer, however, who put in a great performance as Mark Ratner in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

tumblr_m6yz8w2VUd1r9wksko1_400Alex Grey (Tim Conlon)
Prom Night III: The Last Kiss (1989)

Another Alex and quite similar to his Final Destination namesake. This Alex, a sub-Ferris Bueller type in both looks and attitude, has a hot girlfriend but no direction until he somehow becomes the boy toy of undead Prom Queen from hell Mary Lou Maloney. For a while, she improves his social standing no end, but once a hell bitch, always a hell bitch…

Prom Night III‘s comic-horror baseline works well for Conlon’s likable schtick as the put-upon hero: He’s witty and funny, being pulled in two directions, one by an angel, the other by the devil.

hellbent-shining_0Eddie (Dylan Fergus)
Hellbent (2004)

The ‘first gay slasher film’ featured a masked muscle man scything gay chaps around West Hollywood during Halloween night celebrations, when everyone is in costume and a hot guy in nothing but tight pants and a horned mask won’t rouse suspicion.

At the center of the mania is civilian police employee Eddie, who just wants a decent night out with his friends, all of whom soon start falling victim to the loon. Usual hetero conventions are simply flipped in this case, and Eddie runs and hides with veritable Jamie Lee gusto, saved at one point by the virtue of having a false eye!

wolf-creek-2-03Paul Hammersmith (Ryan Corr)
Wolf Creek 2 (2013)

British surf bum Paul is minding his own business when he’s embroiled in a nightmare of Mick Taylor’s making, stopping to rescue a girl who has escaped the bushman’s clutches for long enough to make it to the road. After she’s killed, Paul has a target on his back and Taylor will stop at nothing to reclaim his victim.

Both Wolf Creek films feature male sole survivors, although the first one has little to do with anything the guy does, and Paul is put through all the usual torture that final girls endure: Everyone he approaches for help is killed, he’s captured, strapped to a chair, tortured (by song and weapon), escapes, but does that thing where he scuppers the opportunity to finalise the killer’s exit from this mortal coil… So much for all those who say final boys would be better. And the British character lived! Whoop!

Weston-in-Wishcraft-michael-weston-12955368-608-336Brett Bumpers (Michael Weston)
Wishcraft (2001)

High school dork Brett receives an enchanted bull’s dick through the mail with a note saying it grants three wishes, which he eventually discovers to be true. Meanwhile, classmates of his are being picked off by a cloaked killer. Are the two connected? Duh.

The rise of the nerd theme in Wishcraft is satisfying on its own, even though Brett isn’t initially in any danger, he’s soon forced into combat with the unmasked killer and, with one wish left, ascends to hero level pretty quickly.

Andy-Barclay-chucky-5551046-700-383Andy Barclay (Alex Vincent/Justin Whalin)
Child’s Play 1-3 (1988-1992)

Poor Andy Barclay cannot rid himself of final boy duties no matter what he does. As the first human to discover the secret of possessed Good Guy doll Chucky, Andy is thus the only one who can be a vessel for the killer’s soul. After surviving round one, a new foster home cannot provide shelter in Child’s Play 2, and even a military academy provides no refuge in the third film…

Unlike Billy in Death Valley, hero duties could only go to a child in this franchise, and Vincent did extremely well with the material, even better was his cameo in Curse of Chucky. He’s at his best in Child’s Play 2 with the assistance of a teen foster sister who fulfills the legwork and screaming quota.

tommyTommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman/John Shepard/Thom Mathews)
Friday the 13th Parts IV-VI (1984-1986)

In The Final Chapter, Tommy Jarvis is just a monster-loving kid who has the bad luck of living by Crystal Lake and ends up – with big sister Trish – bringing down Jason who, by that point, had murdered a good 30 schmucks over the previous few days. In A New Beginning, Tommy is older, traumatised by what happened and sent to a halfway house where a hockey-masked psycho goes to task chopping up his new friends. In Jason Lives, an undecided amount of time later, Tommy returns to Crystal Lake to burn Jason’s corpse, but ends up accidentally resurrecting him and spends the rest of the movie trying to undo his error.

While Feldman as the horror-nut was a logical move to ‘end’ the series on in 1984, Thom Mathews is easily my favourite incarnation of the character, a complete 360 on Shepard’s brooding portrayal, Tommy ’86 is like a totally different guy, replete with comic timing and a touch of slapstick to his ever-doomed attempts to stop Jason.

But, in terms of final boys through history, the name Tommy Jarvis is probably at the top of the tree.

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