Category Archives: Pant-Soiling Scenes

Pant-Soiling Scenes #16: 28 DAYS LATER…

Is it a zombie film? Is it not a zombie film? I’d say it’s a zombie film but without zombies. Per se.

Regardless of how you look at it, it’s still shit scary. Well…was – it’s been duped to death now, the whole man-wakes-up-after-the-event thing. The Walking Dead just started practically the same.

Anyway, 28 Days Later‘s pant-soiling-scene comes when our recently-awoken hero Jim looks for help and hope at the nearest church but instead finds a pile of bodies and a couple of The Infected, who were peacefully dozing until he hollered, thus resulting in a super-eerie moment when what looks to Jim like other people is evidently anything but…

Although why Mr Infected has a sheet tucked into his collar like some massive napkin is a mystery… Dining in?

Pant-Soiling Scenes #15: THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK

Not a horror film as such than a film with some horror elements to it. I actually really love the JP trilogy – yeah the effects look a bit shoddy these days but Spielberg, as ever, is capable of delivering some heart-stopping moments – and this particular scene from the oft-overlooked middle film of the trio could win an award for best thought-up shit-your-pants-predicament.

Here, as the T-Rex’s take revenge on a super-sized trailer for ‘kidnapping’ their baby, paleontologist Sarah (the lovely Julianne Moore) takes falls face first on to a glass window that’s the only obstacle in the way of a fatal fall several hundred feet to the rocks below. As she comes to, the glass starts to splinter, crack by little crack with every movement she makes to try and reach out for something to grab on to.

This is the standout scene in a movie that spans two hours without as much high-gear excitement as its sister flicks but even a slow script can’t stop The Beard’s perfect handling of a great idea here and, every time I watch it, it’s this very moment that defines The Lost World for me.

Pant-Soiling Scenes #14: POLTERGEIST

When I was about 10 I caught about 5 minutes of Poltergeist on TV and had a nightmare I can still vividly remember to this day… A creaky old rocking chair in my folks’ bedroom, diving down the stairs to scramble out the front door. <shudder>

Weirdly, the film feels more like ET with a few chills when I watch it now. But it’s undeniably brilliant and, while not particularly scary, certain parts still give me the willies, including this, that creepy-ass tree through the window bit…

Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening little Robbie Freeling, who attempts to count away the storm, only for it to get closer until creepy-ass tree busts throw the window and tries to eat him while little Carol Anne shrieks in the background.

Trees are oft scary and under utilized in contemporary horror. For kids, they’re up there with pylons, shadows and the closet door that won’t close. The ‘Geist gets all this spot on, thus earning itself a spot in the P.S.S. list.

Pant-Soiling Scenes #13: GHOSTWATCH

Go ahead…laugh. Ghostwatch was BBC’s hoax documentary for Halloween in 1992. I wasn’t quite a nipper but a lifetime of religious upbringing and “you mustn’t watch horror movies, for they are evil, now let us say grace,” made me one scaredy cat.

Hence, discreetly switching channels to experience the forbidden fruit, I was prompty terrified by what I saw. Legend tells us – and it’s confirmed by the inlay notes in the DVD – that some poor schmuck committed suicide a few days after the broadcast.

When it was released to DVD ten years afterwards, I had to take a look to see if I was damaged. And this moment, where plucky presenter Sarah Greene ventures into the understairs cupboard to look for one of the missing girls, gave me the uber-willies…

So you might not understand what you’re seeing, but the door slowly creaks open when the camera and sound guys go looking for her and reveals a glimpse of this freaky man’s face, who may or may not be the ghost – unaffectionately known as Pipes by the tormented family – eerily staring back at them.

The effect is lost over time to some degree; Michael Parkinson’s unintentionally hilarious possession and the rubbish acting of the bubble-haired psychologist lady but back then…woah, frightening stuff!

Pant-Soiling Scenes #12: SIGNS

Back when M. Night Shyamalamalan was churning out effective scary flicks, I went to see Signs in a super-crowded cinema and the jump shocks worked a treat. One girl screamed so loud during a fake scare that she apologised to everyone around her. Oh, how we laughed. Mel Gibson though…meh…I’m fairly indifferent to the man but I’d have to say this is my favourite film he’s been involved with. The girl with her water needs was better though. Oh, and why does he go back to being a Priest at the end? Surely having come face to fucking face with a spaceman totally contradicts the Bible!? Grow the mullet back, Mel, your brain needs insulating.

The best ice-down-the-spine bit is this though, those creepy long fingers that snake under the door. Ugh… I shudder thinking about it.

pss-signsOK, so it doesn’t look scary here. But it so is on a gigantic cinema screen – the fingers…they’re coming for you! Argh. Run. Run now!

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