2002/89m

“It’s harvest time!”

Director/Writer: Bill Koning / Cast: Brandon Malone, Katie Carroll, Carter Hagerman, Jared Conti, Brian Reid, Jamie Morris, Heather Morris, Dana Ratcliff, Sandra Quoos, Richard Kindle.

Body Count: 20

Dire-logue: “You are dumber than a bag of shit.”

Just because The Blair Witch Project raked in a huge profit ratio doesn’t mean any talentless dickheads with camcorders should put their own 90 minutes of shit on to home video for retail. Such is the background of Silo Killer, an antagonistically dreadful gathering of slasher off-cuts that manifests itself in a badly produced, sexist, and even racially ambiguous end product.

After the obligatory murder-of-a-teenage-girl opening, a group of teens (some of whom don’t even seem to know each other) go camping in the dusty plains of Arizona, despite both a dangerous escaped convict on the loose and a recent history of missing and murdered teenagers. They’re each killed off by an axe-wielding nut hiding behind a rubbery Old Father Time mask before the surprisingly blunt twist that is just unexpected enough to save Silo Killer from half-star hell.

Not only is the acting the pits, but the characters themselves are possibly the most annoying group of people ever to grace the screen (especially the guy who ends up with all his limbs cut off). The external photography – which makes up most of the film – has a strong yellow tint to it (possibly piss) and the titular silo barely makes an appearance, which is a pity because watching a 90-minute still of it would be preferable to witnessing any of the thesps shouting their crappy lines. Unbelievably, this had since had a sequel! Ugh.