Tag Archives: Friday the 13th

TGI Friday: “She ain’t missing… she’s dead.”

“Folks go missing ’round here, they’re gone for good…” One of the winning elements of the last Friday the 13th movie (SIX YEARS AGO – SORT THAT SHIT OUT!), the cranky old lady whom Jared Padalecki calls upon when looking for his missing sister. That notion that the Crystal Lake locals know about Jason is the kind of vibe I hope returns whenever they decide they want to do another film, or TV series.

Cranky old lady, we love you.

Fri-gay the 13th

Look closer… it’s a book, not a movie. Sad times indeed.

Summer camp slashings ensue as they have many, many times before… but never (as far as I know) at one of those ‘Corrective’ camps for gay teens, though there were a few in The Blood Season.

In Camp Carnage, Billy, an introverted suburbanite, is packed off to Camp Genesis by his parents after coming out to them in the summer of 1986. Run by Joan Ferguson-a-like Katherine Creevey, the boys are packed in together and mentored by a kindly priest and ex-gay counsellors.

Typical 80s hi-jinks follow with the usual heterosexual pairings reversed: Billy likes Neal, but so does Kyle. Jem likes Michaela, Michaela strives to remain straight etc… Meanwhile, those who venture into the woods (stray from the path of heterosexuality, as it were) soon meet nasty ends at the hands of a mystery killer.

A fluid read, I zipped through Camp Carnage over a few lunch breaks and, while the blades n’ whodunit subplotting was decent, the book shied away from commenting overtly on the operations of such an establishment, thus I didn’t root for the characters as much as I wanted.

Writers Cross and Winning twist the expected outcome in regards to the last ones standing, which is always brave, although in this case I’d have preferred them not to.

TGI Friday: What the Dana Kimmell is going on with Friday the 13th!?

First off, any fool in charge of producing the 13th film in the Friday the 13th franchise should’ve had it all set up to release said 13th film in 2013.


Latest news seems to suggest the film has been pushed back from its mooted February-then-November 2015 release date to May 13th, 2016: SEVEN YEARS AFTER THE LAST FILM.

Christ alive, producer folks, between 1980 and 1987 they pretty much churned out one a year on a squillionth of the resources available today.

Here’s a rundown of what’s been going on (apparently):

Key: Good news Bad news News I don’t care about either way

  • It’s a sequel, a logical follow up to the 2009 reboot.
  • It’ll be a supernatural found-footage film. Possibly without Jason. Fans are ‘unhappy’ about this.
  • It’ll be in 3D. Whatever, everything else is. This means the FF angle will likely be dropped. Fans go “Yay!”
  • It’s now called Friday the 13th. It’s no longer a sequel, but another reboot, making it the third film in the series with that name.
  • It’ll be out in 2010.
  • No, 2012.
  • Oops, November 2014.
  • OK, February 2015.
  • 2016.
  • Paramount have got the franchise back from Platinum Dunes.
  • It’ll be a TV series instead/aswell.
  • It will be set at Camp Crystal Lake.
  • David Bruckner, who helmed an at best okay segment of the mostly disappointing V/H/S, is directing it.
  • Jason might get his own Doc Loomis. Tommy Jarvis, perhaps?

Seems that nobody over at Crystal Lake has much of a clue what’s going on… Slasher films are in a rut at present so that goes some way to explaining why nobody’s super keen on rolling the dice. Remakes aside, what was the last big screen killer-with-a-knife film that left a significant impression, Scream 4You’re Next?

As the movie business is run by an Excel spreadsheet which doesn’t have a column for ‘what movie fans care about’, I’d say it’s likely we don’t see Jason return in any formidable way for awhile, and even if this new film miraculously gets off the ground in the next couple of years, what are the odds there’ll be anybody smart enough at the production house to revisit the churn-out method that seemed to work so well in the 80s. Hell, there was a new Saw movie every Halloween not that long ago. It can be done.

Whatever method Jason is sent back to the screen in (like some poor war orphan packed off back to Hollywood), I know I’ll be there waving my little hockey mask flag.

Do something before we all end up here

Shoot the cute


2 Stars  1982/18/84m

“All the boys are dying to meet Melissa.”

Director: Jim Sotos / Writer: Erwin Goldman / Cast: Bo Hopkins, Susan Strasberg, Patrick Macnee, Don Stroud, Dana Kimmell, Aleisa Shirley, Don Shanks, Steve Antin, Sharon Farrell, Logan Clarke, Michael Pataki.

Body Count: 6

A jumbling mess of a film, somewhat forebearing All the Boys Love Mandy Lane.

Promiscuous teen Melissa Morgan (Shirley) is approaching her sixteenth birthday. She likes boys and boys like her right back. But all of those who seem to take an interest sooner or later end up stabbed to death. Did Melissa do it?

Bo Hopkins is the local sheriff and freakin’ Dana Kimmell (!) is his goody-goody daughter who keeps finding bodies and somehow immersing herself into the centre of things. They’re both annoyingly cute. So much so they keep saying “don’t be cute”, “no, you’re being cute.” After the 43rd time Kimmell says it, I wanted Jason to appear and lop off her head as promised.

The killer is eventually revealed to the surprise of nobody in spite of their overwrought gasping. Amazingly, Dana’s response doesn’t feature the term “cute”. Could it have been more obvious? Does Jason shit in the woods?

Muscular cast brushed aside, Sweet Sixteen is a real struggle from start to finish, a mess of odd pacing and cringe-inducing dialogue, with no vibrancy commonly found in early 80s death-to-teens movies. A real shame.

Blurbs-of-interest: Hopkins was also in A Crack in the Floor and Uncle Sam; Michael Pataki was in Graduation Day and Halloween 4; Susan Strasberg was the teacher in Bloody Birthday; Don Shanks played Michael Myers in Halloween 5, the fisherman in I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer, and the coach in Urban Legends: Bloody Mary; Dana Kimmell was, of course, shrieky heroine Chris in Friday the 13th Part III.

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