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scream vi 2023

SCREAM VI

4 Stars  2023/18/122m

“New York. New rules.”

Directors: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin & Tyler Gillett / Writers: James Vanderbilt & Guy Busick / Cast: Melissa Barrera, Jenna Ortega, Courteney Cox, Dermot Mulroney, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Mason Gooding, Hayden Panettiere, Liana Liberato, Jack Champion, Josh Segarra, Devyn Nekoda, Samara Weaving, Henry Czerny, Tony Revolori, Skeet Ulrich, Roger L. Jackson (voice).

Body Count: 13


It’s 1997 all over again! What felt like a chance-it-and-see resurrection of Ghostface to hack and hew anew in 2022’s requel clearly paid off as the sixth instalment went rapidly into production for a release just 14 months after its predecessor, almost as rapid a turnaround as the films of yore.

In keeping with that speed, Scream VI takes the not unfamiliar step of moving things to a collegiate setting, rather than keep us in Woodsboro, just as Scream 2 hauled ass to a leafy campus, replete with youthful flesh to be slashed and torn. This time though, we’re going to college in New York City. It’s goodbye manicured lawns and imposing academic buildings, hello apartment living, city alleys, and the subway. It’s also goodbye Sidney, as Neve Campbell declined the offer made to her for returning.

scream vi 2023 samara weaving

Scream may be a franchise that prides itself on observing and bucking genre tropes, but is also married to many of its own making, and so starts with the familiar opening kill. We run into Samara Weaving’s film professor, waiting for her date to show up at a swanky NY restaurant. Messages through the Flirtr app detail a delay, so he calls her instead… A brief exchange over meta-slashers (“not that one”, when he asks her what her favourite scary movie is) and she is lured outside to help her date navigate when he allegedly gets lost down a between-buildings alley and encounters something scary.

It’s a ruse, obvs, and in true old-school style, the audience begs her not to go into that alley alone. The expected outcome ensues, but then something altogether unexpected happens, leading into The Opening Scene – Part 2, a little peek at Jason Takes Manhattan, and the title slashing its way onto the screen.

scream vi 2023 melissa barrera jenna ortega

We’re soon reacquainted with our youthful survivors from before, the Core Four: Sam, Tara, Chad, and Mindy – all either attending or living close enough to Blackmore University. The latter three are in deep with their college experience, while Sam struggles to come to terms with the events of last year, as a series of online conspiracy theories posit that she was the killer and framed poor, sad Richie for it all. In a grim reflection of the age we live in, he is sainted, she vilified.

When news of a double-slaying and uncovered Ghostface paraphernalia reaches them, Sam immediately wants to get far away from New York, but is convinced to stay by her roommate Quinn’s detective father (Mulroney), who informs Sam that her ID was found at the scene. Mindy gets the chance to give a brief meta-overview of the situation before the sisters are attacked again, this time in a bodega, where Ghostface makes quick work of the storekeeper and a couple of patrons.

scream vi 2023 ghostface

The cops discover DNA belonging to earlier killers on the mask, which happens again at ensuing crime scenes, each working backwards down the line of Amber/Richie, Jill/Charlie, Roman, etc. towards the inevitable earliest purveyor of the mask – Daddy Dearest, Billy Loomis.

Enter Gale Weathers, who broke her promise not to write a book about the latest Woodsboro murders, and thus has fallen out with the sisters Carpenter – so gets socked in the mouth again. Also enter Kirby Reed, last seen squirming from her stab wounds in Scream 4, now an FBI agent with a vested interest in the case, and allowing for some cute comedic relief when sharing the scene with Gale. The latter succeeds in finding a shrine to all things Ghostface, kept in a deserted New York movie theatre, decked out with clothes worn by victims and killers (Tatum’s green sweater and Mrs Loomis’ white pantsuit vie for centre stage), weapons, Jennifer Jolie’s burnt fax machine, the TV used to squash Stu’s head…

scream vi 2023 shrine

Assaults against the Core Four continue, with a red hot tense scene involving a ladder between high rise apartments that could’ve come out of The Poseidon Adventure, and a suspense-dripping attack at Gale’s penthouse flat, in which she asks if the killer minds being put on hold, up there with Sidney’s “I’m bored” hang-up from the 2022 movie.

Eventually, of course, all things lead back to the shrine, where a plan to entrap the killer is thwarted by the killer’s foresight, and then it’s the unmasking ritual, exposition, and turning the tables. While the motive is more believable than that of the previous film, it leans into campy theatrics here and there, once again showing that the assailants seem always to underestimate their opponents at the crucial moment and their big schemes flop.

scream vi 2023 courteney cox

As with any Scream movie, there’s much to like here, from the high-end production to neat visuals, in-jokes atop in-jokes, and way more action than expected – by the end I was exhausted by how paced it all was. Working against it, however, is a lack of sharp, witty dialogue, and a shortage of new characters who mean anything – given the high body count, only one character with anything to really do is murdered, the rest are made up of bystanders, people killed entirely off-screen, or have so few scenes beforehand, that we barely know their name let alone are provoked by their loss.

This in hand with upped levels of violence gives the film an edge, cold front to it. In Scream 2, Kevin Williamson killed his darlings by offing Randy, but here, everybody we saw previously is safe, despite several of them being stabbed or shot – in fact one person is virtually gutted, but returns a little later with ability to run. The high-stakes from before where nobody seemed safe aren’t welcome this time around. That said, I didn’t want any of them to die, as it’s a likeable cast roster, but with so much packed in, those who do meet the sharp end of the knife are barely missed, and it’s hard to consider how Sidney would’ve fit in if they’d succeeded in securing her.

scream vi 2023 subway

This is a very high-BPM banger of a movie, and I needed to watch it a second time to fully get my head around it. Fortunately, it was better with a sophomore viewing, not least because the friend I went with jumped and jolted and suspected everybody before proclaiming “I told you!” to the entire cinema when the unmasking happened.

Blurb-of-interest: Liana Liberato was in Totally Killer.

Urugu-Eye

the last matinee 2020

THE LAST MATINEE

3.5 Stars  2020/18/88m

A.k.a. Bloody Matinee

“No talking. No texting. No breathing.”

Director/Writer: Max Contenti / Writer: Manuel Facal / Cast: Luciana Grasso, Julieta Spinelli, Ricardo Islas, Patricia Porzio, Emanuel Sobre, Franco Duran, Pedro Duarte, Bruno Salvatti, Vladimir Knazevs, Daiana Carigi.

Body Count: 9


Hopefully Uruguay will forgive me for the first thing that comes to mind when I think of the nation being that moment in The Simpsons where Homer sees it on a globe and pronounces it: “U R Gay.”

Uruguay gets the last laugh though, as this is one sexy bitch of a giallo slasher.

On a rainy day in Montevideo in 1993, a small single-screen cinema showing a low-end Frankenstein film (actually a real movie directed by actor Ricardo Islas, who plays the killer here) attracts a small number of punters: A couple on a first date, some teens off their trolley on vodka, the Brooke Shields-a-like girl one of them was lusting after on the bus, and a young boy who has snuck in.

the last matinee 2020

Projectionist’s daughter Ana has come to relieve her overworked father, packing him off in a cab and babysitting the reels while studying, much to the annoyance of night manager Mauricio, who’s not paid enough to care about throwing out an angry homeless guy escaping the rain.

Regrettably for all of these people, a slicker-clad lunatic with a bag of grisly tricks has also crept inside and makes quick work of locking them in. He then sets about killing those inside one by one to take their eyes and add them to a jar for later snacking. Eww. There’s a brutal throat-cutting while the victim is puffing on a cigarette, resulting in smoke exiting the next wound in a gruesomely artistic way; two kids making out are skewered together in an eternal kiss, as well as death by projector.

the last matinee 2020 luciana grasso

The simplicity of the plot is one thing, and some of the characters’ names aren’t ever mentioned, but if you’re looking for a film that revels in its aesthetic details – this is it. Almost comic book-like shots play out as the killer hones in on his victims, with 80s-style fragmenting of the space beforehand, daring us to guess where he is, when he will strike, and what he will do.

A great scene utilising this approach occurs when a bored Gabriela decides to make the movie going experience more interesting by giving Horacio an impromptu hand-job; elsewhere two teens are sharing a tentative kiss; the on-screen tension is building…; who will the killer take out? It’s a beautifully conducted sequence, shocking and even a little bit sad.

the last matinee 2020

Ana eventually discovers the killings, although it’s timed nicely with the celluloid breaking and what she believes to the audience booing over the incident is actually someone being knifed to death. From there the survivors try to fend off the killer and raise the alarm. Surprisingly, they get through to the cops for a change, but they also fall foul of the Bad Choice trap where they have the killer out cold but decide to flee rather than bludgeon him to death with the weapon in their hands. It’s a slasher film though, do you really want sensible decision making?

Contenti’s attention to visual detail is the Chef’s Kiss USP of The Last Matinee, truly not the first slasher flick set in an underattended movie theater, but by far the best looking. Almost every frame feels considered and created rather than just cut-in, every shot composed rather than pointed-at-and-shot. The result is an impossibly handsome piece of horror cinema, and the comparable lack of characterisation lends itself well to the bolt-from-the-blue nature of the killer’s attack on a bunch of strangers.

the last matinee 2020 ricardo islas

Beautiful horror.

Harlow-een

texas chainsaw massacre 2022

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE

3 Stars  2022/81m

“The face of madness returns.”

Director: David Blue Garcia / Writers: Chris Thomas Devlin, Fede Alvarez & Rodo Sayagues / Cast: Sarah Yarkin, Elsie Fisher, Mark Burnham, Jacob Latimore, Moe Dunford, Nell Hudson, Olwen Fouéré, Jessica Allain, Alice Kriger, William Hope.

Body Count: 18+

Laughter Lines: “Wish I’d known y’all were coming – I’d have put my face on.”


A friend asked me what horror film I was watching next. “Texas Chainsaw Massacre“, said I. “The old one?” I took a breath to answer, then had to stop as I tried to unravel what film this new one was.

As I understand it, there’s the original, it’s three 80s-90s sequels, the remake, the prequel to the remake, another sequel to the original that ignores the existing ones, a prequel to the original, and now this ‘requel’. Had it been released before Scream (2022), it might have escaped much of the ridicule that greeted its release. Some spoilers.

texas chainsaw massacre 2022 elsie fisher sarah yarkin nell hudson jacob latimore

Shooting began in Bulgaria in 2020 but the original director was turfed out, his footage scrapped entirely, and replaced by David Blue Garcia. A planned big-screen release was called off and the film ended up debuting on Netflix to a tidal wave of “worst film ever!!1!” criticism, primarily for its heavy pilfering from the 2018 Halloween requel.

Despite this less than promising start in life, TCM ’22 is an unrelenting 81-minute rapid-fire gorefest, spending about twenty minutes conjuring up the set-up: A quartet of city Gen-Z types arrive in the ghost town of Harlow, Texas, which they’ve …bought? (“Gentrifuckers!” complains a local). In the wake of their self-driving Tesla will be a coach of young entrepreneurs, with a view to turning the place into a mecca of artisan bakeries, restaurants, and art galleries for city life ex-patriots. Oddly, a similar subject was touched on in 2021’s Candyman re-whatever.

texas chainsaw massacre 2022

Upon arrival, they discover the sole remaining residents – an infirm orphanage owner and her last charge, a hulking figure who hangs back in the shadows: I think we can all guess who that is. A dispute over her right to be there results in her having a heart attack and being carted off by the sheriff. Mystery-companion goes along, as well as one of the newcomers. When the old woman expires in the back of the van, he flips, kills the deputy and causes the van to crash in a field.

In what is probably the film’s best scene, the surviving passenger Ruth (Nell Hudson), witnesses the wackadoo remove the face from the dead lady and don it for himself. She plays dead when he investigates his mess, and tries to track him through the wing mirrors while contemplating her escape.

texas chainsaw massacre 2022 sarah yarkin

Back in town, the bus of investors rolls in, occupying the attention of lead …town …buyers (?) Dante and Melody. Melody’s younger sister Lila, a survivor of a school shooting, doesn’t want to be there and goes off exploring on her own. Upon hearing that the old lady has died, grizzled local contractor Richter confiscates the car and bus keys until Melody and Dante can prove they legally own the orphanage, and didn’t just kick the poor woman out, causing her death. They look for certificate in the house, coinciding with the return of Leatherface, who makes quick work of Dante, while Melody hides from him.

A storm sets in and the investors take their party back aboard the bus while Melody is accosted in a tense scene, culminating in a sewage pipe being cut open and leaking on to her head. Saved by Lila, the sisters race back to the bus and a scene that rivals the raft moment from The Burning ensues as Leatherface clambers aboard – and the Gen-Z’s raise their phones and threaten to cancel him.

texas chainsaw massacre 2022 bus

What unfolds pretty much sums up the franchise’s title: A good 15-20 people are buzzed to pieces by the world’s most fuel-economic chainsaw, with just Melody and Lila able to escape through a skylight. As they scramble for escape, in rolls a truck and out climbs Sally Hardesty – survivor from the original, who has been waiting for almost fifty years to face down Leatherface. Like Laurie. She brings a shotgun and a ‘fuck it’ attitude. Like Laurie. She stalks him back to the orphanage, ordering him to ‘say her name’, under some illusion that after a couple of hours with her half a century earlier, he’d have any idea who she even is. I imagined he was way too busy trying to work out which timeline he’s in.

Ultimately, Sally flops and she’s chainsawed to fuck before being able to be of much help to the girls, who then go through the standard motions to the end, with the suspiciously insensitive caveat of Lila having to use the very thing she fears – a gun – to defend herself. The NRA presents the Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

texas chainsaw massacre 2022 sally

Early whiplash reviews were overwhelmingly negative, crammed with the usual “IT’S WOKE!!1!” accusations. But is it? The hipster-esque characters are all portrayed as negative stereotypes, with the redneck white guy turning out to be something of an almost-hero, all the non-white characters meeting grisly ends… If anything, the film goes all out to satirise so-called ‘woke tropes’. Much of this is enabled by strange attempts at comedy peppered throughout, the threat of cancellation met with instant death-by-powertool could not possibly underscore this any more powerfully – and yet, thick people everywhere continue to whine that progressive propaganda is being forced down their throats. A grisly last-second shock is lashed to a gag with the Tesla, is almost slapstick, giving the whole thing a gory cartoon value.

texas chainsaw massacre 2022

Let’s just ignore the fact that all-powerful, nimble Leatherface must be, minimum, in his late sixties.

There’s a lot wrong with it, but it somehow manages in spite of itself, with nice photography and some familiar but effective sequences in the first half.

Blurb-of-interest: Sarah Yarkin was in Happy Death Day 2U.

Syndromeo & Eww-liet

nobody sleeps in the woods tonight ii

NOBODY SLEEPS IN THE WOODS TONIGHT II

1.5 Stars  2021/18/97m

Director/Writer: Bartosz M. Kowalski / Writer: Mirella Zaradkiewicz / Cast: Mateusz Wieclawek, Julia Wieniawa-Narkiewicz, Zofia Wichlacz, Andrzej Grabowski, Lech Dyblik, Sebastian Stankiewicz, Robert Wabich, Izabela Dabrowska, Wojciech Mecwaldowski.

Body Count: 12


A timely follow up to the 2020 Polish summer camp slasher, part two begins with the twin monsters and sole survivor Zosia holed up in cells at the local cop shop.

Optimistic rookie officer Adam pedals into work as his superior escorts Zosia back to the house to get her perspective and leaves her handcuffed to a bed above a section of the meteor, which soon does its thing, infects her, and turns her into one of the mutants.

Adam and fellow cop Wanessa eventually grow concerned and find themselves thrust into the horror, along with two survivalist types, the camp manager, and a hooker. Monster-Zosia makes mincemeat out of most of them and converts Adam into a fellow mutant. They kill a dog-abusing vendor, hook up in a rather confronting sex scene, and return to the police station to liberate their family members.

The gross-out comedy facets are pushed to the fore in this grotesque combo of any Wrong Turn sequel you like, with parts of Hatchet thrown in. There are some funny moments, but it just doesn’t commit itself and seems to drag on forever the longer it continues.

Mob Rule

halloween kills 2021

HALLOWEEN KILLS

2.5 Stars  2021/18/105m

Director/Writer: David Gordon Green / Writers: Scott Teems, Danny McBride / Cast: Jamie Lee Curtis, Judy Greer, Andi Matichak, Will Patton, Anthony Michael Hall, Dylan Arnold, James Jude Courtney, Robert Longstreet, Scott MacArthur, Michael McDonald, Kyle Richards, Nancy Stephens, Charles Cyphers, Thomas Mann, Carmela McNeal, Michael Smallwood, Nick Castle.

Body Count: at least 30


Halloween has turned into its very own ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ series now, with three paths to pick at the end of the original: You can go the 12456 route, the 1-2-H20Resurrection way, or 1-2018-Kills-Ends. Interestingly, both latter avenues were accompanied with a sort of “oh, we just ignored all those awful sequels!” narrative, and with the release of Halloween Kills, both latter avenues have delivered instalments that are decidedly inferior to those 80s-90s efforts. Spoilers will need to ensue.

Allyson’s cheerleader kissin’ boyfriend Cameron stumbles upon the not-quite-dead Deputy Hawkins and we’re whisked back to 1978, with Hawkins the younger and his colleagues hunting The Shape after Dr Loomis shot him out of the Doyles window. Tommy’s bully, Lonnie Elams, has a creepy encounter, and the cops track him back to the Myers house, perfectly captured as we last saw it, and Loomis himself is even resurrected for the occasion.halloween kills 2021

In 2018, Laurie is rushed on to the operating table, while Karen becomes a bit of a Karen with the hospital staff, and the cops get a debrief from Allyson. Meanwhile, firefighters enter the Strode house and guess who is not burnt to a cinder? Michael wastes no time in taking out half a dozen burly firemen before tottering back towards town.

Elsewhere, middle-aged Tommy Doyle tells the tale of the babysitter murders at a bar, where he’s drinking with Lindsey Wallace, Lonnie, and Nurse Marion (why is she there??). When the news reports murders, they team up with a couple seen briefly in the previous film to lead a vigilante mob to take out Michael.

halloween kills 2021 kyle richards anthony michael hall

Things go wrong, people die, and Tommy ends up at Haddonfield Memorial where he stirs anxious relatives of the injured and missing to a mob frenzy, including the former Sheriff Brackett, now working security there (despite being like 80) and the crowd start chanting: “Evil dies tonight!” over and over. It’s a weird scene, at odds with anything you’d expect from a Halloween movie.

Laurie is informed Michael is not dead and tries to leave, but the baying crowd begin hunting one of the other escaped patients from the bus crash. Nobody will listen to reason, so Karen decides to help the man and locks him in a corridor on an upper floor. The mob attack and he eventually throws himself out of a window to his death.

halloween kills 2021 nancy stephens kyle richards

Things culminate at the Myers house, now inhabited and renovated by a gay couple. There’s a good scene in which Karen manages to steal Michael’s mask and is chased through some yards until the residents of Haddonfield have him surrounded and exact their revenge. But because we know Halloween Ends is slated for 2022, things don’t work out quite as planned.

So, Laurie shares no scenes with The Shape whatsoever and a whole lot of time is spent with Tommy Doyle’s lynch mob, shoehorning in actors and characters from the original who are inexplicably still living in Haddonfield forty years later, and hang out together in bars. It’s contrived as fuck fan service, but this is a slasher film so why should it even matter? Halloween Kills is a damn mess, but it may improve as the bridging instalment once the third and final chapter comes along, though if the history of this series has taught us anything, it’s that someone will find a way to bring it back again one way or another.

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