Tag Archives: obvious identity of killer

Hanky Panky

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torso 1973TORSO

3.5 Stars  1973/18/93m

“One day she met a man who loved beautiful women… but not all in one piece.”

A.k.a. Carnal Violence; I Corpi Presentano Tracce Di Violenza Carnale [The Bodies Presented Traces of Carnal Violence]

Director/Writer: Sergio Martino / Writer: Ernesto Gastaldi / Cast: Suzy Kendall, Tina Aumont, John Richardson, Luc Merenda, Roberto Bisacco, Angela Covello, Carla Brait, Conchita Airoldi, Ernesto Colli.

Body Count: 11

Laughter Lines: “You’ve got to belong to me and no one else!”

This colourful early giallo features all the wacky hallmarks of a black-gloved killer hunting down beautiful young women who spend much of their screentime as scantily clad as possible.

When a masked loon starts offing female students of Pegulia University’s art class and sawing off limbs, it freaks out American students Jane and Dani, especially when the trail of victims come closer to their group of friends. Could it be possessive ex-boyfriend of Dani’s, Stefano? He stands around and stares intensely a lot.

More so than usual in one of these, all females are impossibly beautiful and more often than not naked, as underscored by a scene where next victim Carol goes to a hippie party at a warehouse where two men fondle her while she gets stoned indifferently, as the camera leers over the bodies of other guests. Do any of the guys disrobe? Not on your life.

torso 1973

After Carol’s murder at the hands of the scarf-wielding killer (strangles first, dismembers after), Dani, Jane, and two other girls take up Dani’s Uncle’s offer to go stay at his country home until the case is solved: The cops know the design of the scarf the killer used, Dani remembers talking to someone who wore it – but who? The vendor knows and attempts to blackmail the killer, but gets mowed down instead.

Arriving at the small village, the women are inspected by the thirsty looking local males, as the camera slowly zooms through the leg of Ursula at the slack-jawed horndogs who live only to objectify them. There are at least three conversations between men about how hot the newcomers are, counting their boobs, legs, etc. One tagline listed for the film is ‘Where whores meet saws’!

torso 1973

No female character in Torso undresses – they strip, usually when someone suspicious is watching. It couldn’t get more objectifying than it does, although curiously more of the onscreen murders are of male characters, with the main three girls each being slain off camera towards the end. What does the killer want or do with the body parts he saws off? It’s never revealed, though flashbacks relate to some sort of broken doll.

The entirely-obvious killer’s motive is as goofy as you’d expect, and the near Kung Fu level fight between loon and male saviour (the surviving girl is, of course, rendered useless) is hilarious and was parodied wonderfully in The Editor. Still, there are some good scenes, with a couple who manage to have sex in a Mini (!) and the killer flicking off the lights as the girl goes to look for her missing boyfriend, and a man (!!) is chased through the village at night after seeing the killer stalking the girls’ residence.

A fun, ridiculous experience.

Blurbs-of-interest: John Richardson was later in Eyeball and Fear.

The Audacity is Coming from *Inside* the House…

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wakc

WHEN A KILLER CALLS

2 Stars  2006/91m

“The stranger on the phone… is inside your house!”

Director: Peter Mervis / Writer: Steve Bevilacqua / Cast: Rebekah Kochan, Robert Buckley, Mark Irvingsen, Sarah Hall, Derek Osedach, Carissa Bodnar, Isabella Bodnar, Chriss Anglin, Tara Clark.

Body Count: 13

The Asylum has made a name for itself producing quick turnover rip-offs of about-to-be-huge releases – though these days they just seem to churn out films about sharks – and as the remake of When A Stranger Calls loomed, in the same month came this similarly titled, higher-bodycount pretender, which is more or less the exact same plot, but wasn’t it nice of them to put the twist on the cover in the form of a tagline!?

Cookie cutter hot girl Trisha turns up at her babysitting gig, explains that she “doesn’t sit for the Hewitt’s anymore” and strikes an expression that tells us exactly who the killer’s going to be. Or are they playing us? No. It’s exactly who you think it is.

The standard post-Scream calls come in – “check the kid”, “I’m going to kill you tonight…” blah blah blah – so she calls the cops. Her sexy boyfriend and his two loser tag-alongs show up, giving Mr Hewitt – I mean, the mystery killer – some extra fodder to stab, slash, and asphyxiate, before Trisha is taken hostage. The last half hour is pretty much her tied up and menaced by the mystery killer in some pretty disturbing ways.

The only daring instance that occurs here is that there are two on-screen murders of young children, a taboo usually not crossed even in the pits of exploitation horror, but that doesn’t make it a good film. As it is, it’s backed into a corner by the number of cliches it depends on. Let’s see a babysitter film where it’s a guy looking after the kids for a change.

Blurbs-of-interest: Kochan and Odesach were the leads in fellow Asylum rip, Halloween Night; Robert Buckley was also in Killer Movie; Mark Irvingsen was in both Scarecrow (2003) and Scarecrow Slayer.

Cloak and Dagger. And Axe. And Hammer.

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fox trap 2016FOX TRAP

3 Stars  2016/18/98m

A.k.a. Don’t Blink (DVD)

“It’s hunting season.”

Director: Jamie Weston / Writer: Scott Jeffrey / Cast: Becky Fletcher, Therica Wilson-Reid, Richard Summers-Calvert, Kate Greer, Alex Sawyer, Julia Eringer, Klariza Clayton, Scott Chambers, Carey Thring, Charlene Cooper.

Body Count: 10

A very nicely put together and impressively acted British slasher mystery, which is thankfully closer in quality to Braxton Butcher than it is the Unhinged remake (ironically featuring the lead actress here), or 12 Deaths of Christmas.

Eight years (OMG, not ten!!) after their stupid prank leaves a girl paralysed, the responsible group are invited to a bogus reunion at the remote country house of a girl murdered at the start. There, they’re all in receipt of boxes containing creepy dolls, and a Truth or Dare-type card game that aims to shine the light of truth on what they did.

Frankie (Fletcher) took the fall for everyone and ended up doing time; Anna is genuinely sorry and will do anything to repair their broken friendship; ringleader Connie didn’t give a fuck then and doesn’t give a fuck now. With a couple of extra boyfriends in tow, a killer wearing the same cloak and white mask combo used in the gag rocks up and starts to do away with them by axe, hammer, and cellophane.

fox trap 2016

While the film follows the expected route of discovery, panic, failed attempts to drive away for help, the creators have thankfully taken extra care to use players who can actually act well for the most part, set up decent shots (the coat hook moment at the start is a little gem of a shock), and write good dialogue for the tension-thick scenes when the past crime is discussed over dinner.

Fox Trap runs maybe 10-15 minutes too long and the identity of the killer isn’t much of a challenge to guess, but there still are plenty of nice developments as we go, from Frankie and Anna discovering a room with the fiend’s plans neatly laid out, a good chase scene, and even a mercy killing. This benefits from not straying too far from tried and tested groundwork, carefully tweaking the tropes of its situation to its advantage. Good stuff.

Blurb-of-interest: Becky Fletcher and Kate Greer (under a different name) were in the aforementioned Unhinged.

Being’s believin’

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slashdanceSLASHDANCE

1.5 Stars  1989/84m

“Save the last dance… for hell!”

Director/Writer: James Shyman / Cast: Cindy Maranne, James Carrol Jordan, Joel Von Ornsteiner, Jay Richardson, William Kerr, Queen Kong, Kelle Favara, Jackson Daniels, Vinece Lee, Janice Patterson, Shari Blum, Susan Kaye Deemer, Cynthia Cheston, John Bluto.

Body Count: 5

Laughter Lines: “The way you girls shake your bodies all day, what do you expect?”

There are no feminist welders-by-day, dancers-by-night in this bizarre as fuck LA cheapo, which could be played as an intra-office guide about how male employees shouldn’t treat their female counterparts. But this was a product of the 80s, so nobody cared.

A girl with Tiffany-lite hair and lots of day-glo spandex turns up at an old Hollywood theater for a dance audition. Nobody appears to be there so she starts warming up anyway, as we watch a black-cloaked fiend creep around nearby wielding a saw. She does a pirouette and spins throat-first into the saw.

Sexy lady cop Tori Raines busts a couple of bag-lady robbers (one with questionable stick-on eyebrows that he removes in lieu of an intended sexual assault!?), two comic female wrestler-types selling steroids, and lands an undercover gig trying to find out what happens to pirouette-girl and a country singer/dancer who also went to audition and got herself strangled.

slashdance 1989

She masquerades as a dancer practicing for an upcoming revue show and tries to find clues. There’s the famous director, the almost-broke theater owner and his mentally challenged brother (from an era where he was likely just given a script that said “act all spastic” and so this buff young guy eats live goldfish and murmurs a lot with no explanation for his impressive guns). Tori and the other dancers do endless – endless – 5,6,7,8 steps: Step, toe, hip, step, look, turn, heel, step, toe, sass… This takes up approximately 77 minutes of the 84 minute runtime.

In spite of that awesome title, there’s practically zero slash to Slashdance. None of the other dancers are killed at all. Tori meets the killer with like six minutes to go, finds the bodies of the whopping two victims in that same window of time, bests the killer and the film just ends with silent credits.

slashdance 1989

The most interesting facet of the production is how casually chauvinistic it all is: Tori’s fellow detective has left his wife and kids and wants to go out with her. She tells him no, go back to the family. And he just keeps on asking incessantly. Her Captain talks about her being a decent pair of tits and won’t take her seriously because she’s, y’know, a woman – she’s also never dressed in anything but sexy evening wear or her dance garb. Curiously though, given that cover art, there’s no nudity in the movie, just the never ending close ups of thrusting and gyrating pelvises in lycra. It’s like that Eric Prydz video’s mom.

Somewhat wisely opting to (try and) be funny rather than po-faced, the slasher aspects are still very much an afterthought, with a particularly crappy killer, whose identity is obvious, and too many characters who would die in any other film but survive this intact. If you think you can handle it, watch it back to back with 1992’s Last Dance.

Blurbs-of-interest: James Shyman also directed Hollywood’s New Blood; Jay Richardson was in The Newlydeads.

Drew the right thing

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far from home 1989 drew barrymore

FAR FROM HOME

2.5 Stars  1989/18/89m

“One boy wants her love. One boy wants her dead.”

Director: Meiert Avis / Writers: Ted Gershuny & Tommy Lee Wallace / Cast: Drew Barrymore, Matt Frewer, Richard Masur, Karen Austin, Jennifer Tilly, Andras Jones, Anthony Rapp, Susan Tyrrell, Dick Miller, Stephanie Walski, Connie Sawyer.

Body count: 6

The main critical objection to Far From Home upon its 1989 release was that it exploited then 13-year-old Drew Barrymore – who was at the peak of her personal problems – and it’s hard not to agree, just look at the VHS cover there. From the outset, we’re shown her character Joleen slo-mo swimming in a little black bikini, having ice seductively rubbed over her skin, and then almost date-raped by a character played by then 20-year-old Andras Jones. It’s… icky.

On the eve of her 14th birthday, Joleen and her dad Charlie (Barrymore and Frewer – Drew n’ Frew) are nearing the end of a summer driving around freeways as part of his journalism career, when they run out of gas and find themselves stuck in the small Nevada hamlet of Banco, population 132. Rented a trailer for the night by the crotchety Agnes, Joleen meets Jimmy, Agnes’ hunky son, while Charlie spends his time looking for gas to buy so they can get home to LA.

far from home 1989 susan tyrrell

Someone is prowling the area with murder in mind, and Agnes is soon electrocuted while she takes a bath. In the trailer park, they meet fellow strandees Louise and Amy, and agree to use what little gas they source to carpool back to California. Joleen, meanwhile, flirts with Jimmy, who attempts to rape her, only to be saved by awkward teen Pinky (Rapp, recently notable in the Kevin Spacey scandal).

When they attempt to leave, “mystery”-killer punctures the gas tank and drives a remote controlled car with a lit candle underneath, blowing up their only means of escape (and the poor soul trapped inside). Jimmy is the natural suspect and eventually apprehended, but the actual identity of the loon is startlingly obvious to the rest of us.

Nicely photographed with some elements of decent direction from music video helmer Avis, it’s also nice to see a film not confined to middle-class suburbs. But the paper-thin whodunit, ridiculous over-acting by Tyrrell, and the Dear Diary narration from Barrymore undermine what could’ve been achieved given the capable cast (Masur is good as the anti-cash mechanic, though other actors are wasted in thankless roles) and crew (Tommy Lee Wallace! Mary Woronov’s late husband!). Sadly though, the exploitation of an underage girl is what you’ll remember most. Eww.

far from home 1989 drew barrymore

Ultimately, the film failed due to studio problems that resulted in it playing in barely a handful of theaters (like, four).

Blurbs-of-interest: Barrymore, of course, would later play Casey Becker in Scream; Andras Jones was Rick in A Nightmare on Elm Street 4; Jennifer Tilly was Tiffany in Bride of Chucky, Seed of Chucky, Curse of Chucky, Cult of Chucky, and the Chucky TV series, as well as appearing in The Caretaker; Tyrrell was the psycho auntie of Night Warning; the woman being seen to in the trailer was adult star Teri Weigel, who was in Cheerleader Camp.

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