Trade-a-Life IV

Thanks to those of you who made Trading suggestions; they’ve been added to the growing list of people we wish would die in place of someone we wish would live and will feature at some point… But for now, satisfy your fix with these…

As usual, spoilers abound!

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS

In a twisted way it makes sense that Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkampenschwartzenfusski) was killed off at the end of Elm Street 3 – it helped drive the series forward in the way it probably should’ve done. She couldn’t keep coming back over and over to help a new group of kids fight Freddy Krueger. Or could she?

She could’ve taken another film or so off and returned when the series started to flag again and been substituted in death for the horrible Dr Simms (Priscilla Pointer), who is almost as eeeevil in her ignorance of what her young patients are trying to tell her as Krueger is for killing them. Well, not really but she was a total bitch.

Apparently, she was scheduled to die in the original script, which would’ve been a cool scene to witness as all her core beliefs crumbled before her. Meh, I suppose it would go against the struggle the teens have convincing the adults and authority figures that they’re in danger and the actress played Maureen Prescott, cause of all the misery for her daughter in the Scream movies. Still, poor Nance.

CHRISTINA’S HOUSE

It’s rare for kids to die in films but Christina’s House begins with the murder of a girl scout selling cookies and so there’s absolutely no reason that Christina’s really annoying little brother Bobby – who’s about 13 anyway – not to have been killed with extreme prejudice.

It would be preferable to the death of Christina’s friend Karen, played by Michael Bublé’s sister Crystal, who’s all perky and free-spirited, just as every best-friend-of-final-girl is, which is usually a guarantee that she’ll die. But she’s about a gazillion times better than proto-Bieber-haired Bobby, who just hangs around playing video games, whining about things and hasn’t mastered the really quite simple method of sandwich making. He nearly dies but nearly isn’t solid enough, shoulda been more thorough, Mr Killer!

BLACK CHRISTMAS (2006)

As if the “remake” of Black Christmas wasn’t deranged enough in its total annihilation of everything that made the original so fucking scary, by the time enough of the cast members have had their eyes forcibly removed from their ocular cavities, it becomes clear that textbook bland girl Kelli (Katie Cassidy) is going to be the heroine. Snore.

Considering the impressive cast roster in the flick, which included several final girls from other slasher flicks, it would’ve been better if they’d plumped for Michelle Trachtenberg’s dark-humoured Melissa as the go-to girl for kicking ass. She was Buffy’s kid sister after all.

As it turns out though, Kelli’s practical and flair-less approach to survival wins out and she does alright… But given the choice of potential replacements around her, it’s a bit of a cop out she was made the supposed lead. But I guess Cassidy was murdered in both Harper’s Island and the remakes of both When a Stranger Calls and A Nightmare on Elm Street so I’ll cut her some slack…

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  • Dream Warriors – YES YES YES! I know that movie line by line and i STILL cry when Nancy bites it :(

    Christina’s house – havent seen, on netflix que

    black christmas – well, then we wouldn’t have had that glorious ice skate death which i LOVED!

  • Dream Warriors – YES YES YES! I know that movie line by line and i STILL cry when Nancy bites it :(

    Christina’s house – havent seen, on netflix que

    black christmas – well, then we wouldn’t have had that glorious ice skate death which i LOVED!

    have you heard the great news by the way? Humongous (uncut) and final exam are getting DVD releases :) :)

  • Nancy’s demise makes me cry; Elm St 3 was the first slasher flick I EVER saw!

    Don’t expect miracles from Christina’s House!

    We had a different death for Mel in the UK, she got a plastic bag over her head and her eyes gouged out, but the US version is on the DVD as an extra. Think you guys have a totally different ending as well.

    Humongous on DVD – awesome! Final Exam was out a while ago though, on Code Red (?). It has great cover art and interviews with some of the cast. Maybe they’ve re-done it with better features…?

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